Again if your sensibilities are easily offended then you may pass on this one.
You have been warned.
So it began:
Got up this am and took my shower, and there were no problems with the shampoo bottle or anything this morning. Dressed and went to church. After church we went out to eat. Since I missed breakfast before church, due to taking a shower, We had brunch at Golden Corral. Loaded up on proteins and had a few carbs (should have skipped the carbs altogether but oh well.) The highlight of breakfast was the elixir of life, that warm, brown/black, life-giving substance commonly referred to as “Coffee.” I wanted the waiter to leave the pot but alas, to no avail.
After Brunch we went to the movies. Despicable Me 2 was today’s entertainment du jour.
Upon arriving my bladder signaled the brain that it was time to pay the rent on the coffee consumed earlier. The brain acknowledged the bladder signal and directed the legs to the nearest public facilities for relief.
As the legs brought the body nearer to its destination hanging on the wall, the brain lines the body up to execute the now, more urgent evacuation. All hands were on deck busy with the mission of bladder relief and assisting in freeing the evacuation unit. The outer layers were successfully breached with only the inner layer left. This is where things began to go wrong.
The bladder has now signaled it is at DEFCON 3 and is declaring an emergency evacuation while the hands are feverishly searching for the opening that will release the emergency flow device. They search left, they feel around to the right, all to no avail. The opening is not to be found. The brain is in a frenzy to answer the bladder’s now insistent calls for evacuation. The brain even began searching archives for secret passwords that open magically hidden doors. The Doors to Moria came to mind….
What was the riddle?
“…speak friend and enter” or in this case “exit.”
“Ok, Friend where are you? Oh F-r-i-e-n-d?
Wait what is the Elvish word for friend…. Oh yeah…. “Bel-ach”
The bladder is going to DEFCON 4 and we are in a full blown crisis!
How about, “Open Sesame”? No?
“Open Sez me?” No?
Slowly a thought germinates in the back of my mind. Growing quickly it blossoms into an idea!
Could it be?
Could it be that simple?
The hands stop their frantic searching and swiftly move to the waistband. Upon arriving they hook the waistband and pull it forward.
There it was.
Before me I saw the Fruit of the Loom guys looking up at me with tears of laughter streaming down their collective faces. My underwear was on backwards!
The day was saved, the bladder crisis was averted and the face began to tense up as it always does just before a smile breaks out and covers my features.
Sometimes I crack myself up. *Snicker
On the way out the door I heard the rumbling of someone starting a Harley in one of the stalls down the way and thought to myself, “Merlin’s beard! …”